Fantasia on Attempted Suicide: 'I Didn't Care About Anything, I Just Wanted Out'

Two weeks after being hospitalized for an attempted overdose on aspirin and a sleep aid, American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino

opens up about the incident with VH1's Behind the Music, saying she wanted out.

"I didn't have any fight in me. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted out. At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that [expletive]," Fantasia, 26, says in the interview, airing 9 p.m. ET/PT Tuesday, the same day her new album, Back to Me, is released. "I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills."

She adds, "I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it."

Fantasia’s manager, Brian Dickens, who has been by her side for the whole fiasco, also churned in with his recollection of the incident. "Her emotions were extremely low. She'd been crying all day. Fantasia was just numb. Fantasia texted me, saying 'I love you.' I wrote back, 'I love you more.' Then it hit me."

"I wrote, 'You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid.' And I left it at that. About 10 minutes later, Fantasia texted me back, and she said, 'Already did.' I went into Fantasia's room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped." Fantasia then went on to talk about the situation with Antwaun Cook and meeting him when he was “separated.”

"When I met him, he was separated ... wasn't living in his home. He didn't want to be back with his wife – that is what I was told," Barrino says. "I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], 'It didn't work, I'm still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.' "

"My nurse Melanie was a blessing into my life because she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear," she says. "She told me what I needed to hear. And she looked at me and said, 'You gotta get up, and you've gotta get out of here, 'cause you haven't fulfilled your destiny.' "I realized how people end up in the grave. Because that one moment [snaps her fingers] of just breaking or feeling like I can't, I can't go on, it's too heavy. That was somewhere I don't ever want to go again."

Thoughts?